Why masters swimming? Because I HATE the gym…

June 25, 2008 at 8:05 am Leave a comment

I think my hatred of the gym (24 hour fitness in particular) has finally boiled over this morning and I plan on joining a masters swimming program within the next few days.  Maybe it was the fact that I drove 15 minutes to the gym only to find a “pool closed for maintenance” sign posted on the front door, but more likely, I think it is the culmination of all the things I hate about going to the gym.  So, without further ado, reasons why I hate the gym:

1) Butt Naked People in Locker Room.  Yes, I know it’s a locker room, but that doesn’t mean you can’t wear a towel.  It’s 5:30 in the morning and I haven’t even had a cup of coffee yet, the LAST thing I want to see is a 70 year old butt naked fat guy drying his hair under the air dryer (this actually happened this morning…).  

2) Nasty happenings in the bathroom.  Again, I understand it, but some of y’all are just filthy.  I mean, seriously, you should go see a doctor.  Please do everyone a favor and either (a) hold it until you get to home/work, or (b) embrace the courtesy flush.  When I’m having to hold my nose just to take a leak, there’s something wrong.  

3) Waiting, waiting, and more waiting…then hurry.  Maybe I’m just too considerate.  Maybe I should just act like everyone else and take my sweet ass time when somebody else is waiting.  Maybe I should, but I don’t.  I hate waiting for what feels like forever to get into a lane, onto a machine, etc. and then feel rushed (and not get in my full workout) because somebody else is waiting to use it.  Ughh…just frustrating.

4) Gym Guys.  You know who you are.  You carry around that gallon of water and take up four machines at once while you wear a shirt that would embarrass most runway models so that you can look at yourself in the mirror while you grunt so loud that people in the next room don’t know whether to be annoyed or call for help.  Maybe it’s just me, but I really don’t understand the desire to get huge.  It really doesn’t look good.  I’d take a cut triathlete’s body any day of the week over what some of these muscle guys look like.  

5) Gym Women.  You’re almost as bad but in a whole different way.  You’ll spend an hour doing cardio boxing or stretch yoga or something of that sort and then walk next door into Starbucks and order a grande carmel something or another.  Here’s a quick hint for you: you’d need to spend another few hours punching air to burn off all the calories you just ingested with that “coffee”.  

6) Nasty Pools.  I don’t know why this one didn’t come to mind earlier, but this is actually near the top of my list.  Whether it’s improper chlorination or seeing clumps of hair pass by beneath you as you do a lap (check and check again this morning), gym pools are just nasty and leave me feeling dirty.  God forbid you get into the pool after a swim class put on by the gym where 90% of the participants likely wear depends in their day-to-day activities.  Ewww…I’ve said enough…I’m grossing myself out.

So, for all the reasons I’ve listed (and despite the fact that I’m paid up at 24 Hour Fitness through next March), I’m quitting the gym.  I might use it once a week, but primarily I plan on doing my swim workouts with the masters team.  I just can’t take it anymore (and yes, it was the old guy that pushed me over the edge this morning)…

Happy paddling…



Entry filed under: Uncategorized.

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